Predicting WrestleMania 33

Admittedly, my sister who is now 12, has managed to guess the results of more WrestleMania matches at 31 and 32 than I managed to. This was primarily down to me not expecting 31 to be as good as it was (“surely Reigns will win… wait!”), and not expecting 32 to be as terrible as it was. This is war, so I asked her predictions as well this year, and she answered differently to me on almost all of them. I’ll get her one day!


(For the WWE Cruiserweight Championship)

Me: Neville

Sister: Neville

Although the Cruiserweight Division hasn’t captured as many imagination as WWE had probably hoped, the championship has come across much less like an afterthought for most of 2017 as of yet, beginning with Royal Rumble, where Neville gained the championship, Jack Gallagher had a cameo in the Rumble itself and Austin Aries finally began his journey into the ring.

I am not 100% who I would like to win this, as I don’t image that Aries will get another opportunity to earn a title at WrestleMania., though it would be irresponsible to be playing hot potato with the title. This makes it difficult to guess, and in a rare occurrence, the crowd will be behind the right people. I think that heel Neville will win in the pre-show, and be countered afterwards by a fan favourite victory in the Andre the Giant Battle Royale.


(For the WWE World Heavyweight Championship)

Me: Randy Orton

Sister: Bray Wyatt

However bizarre the writing is for this feud, I feel that writers have written themselves into a corner. Never did I think that they could do so with Randy Orton, but they have managed it. I want to be surprised, as Wyatt shouldn’t be champion for a token couple of months before giving it back. If Orton loses, he doesn’t seem to have a way out besides overnight reinvention, though I think WWE are so used to Wyatt losing feuds, and him talking gibberish back to the top, that they will do it again.

Just to let you know, Bray Wyatt has surprisingly always been my sister’s favourite wrestler (and no, she’s not called Abigail), so there was no way that she wasn’t going to suggest him.


Me: Roman Reigns

Sister: The Undertaker

I am sad to say it, but The Undertaker’s career now needs to come to a halt. I think that in a similar vein to how Taker returned to Lesnar, this will be marked for the trillionth time as the ‘end of an era’, and he will cross paths with Reigns one more time. Besides shocking moments and loopholes, Reigns’ track record at PPVs is incredible. I don’t think that will change overnight, and much to my surprise, I don’t want it to. The Undertaker is 52, and his reputation diluted enough that it shouldn’t be too horrifying if Reigns wins. That’s not to say that WWE wouldn’t do that kind of this – the surprising victories by Goldberg have been precisely this. That this angle is taken by Goldberg/Lesnar, says to me that it won’t be used here, and that Reigns will win cleanly.

Just to say so, no matter how many times I said that The Undertaker had never lost at WrestleMania, my sister managed to call his loss at WrestleMania XXX loss.


Me: Seth Rollins

Sister: Triple H

Will this match even actually happen? Ever? WWE have been trying to book this one for over a year, and it has been delayed repeatedly due to injuries and illness. In fact, as I type this, various news sites are reporting that Seth Rollins is suffering from a fever, and possibly even pneumonia. Fingers crossed things are OK.

If so, it would be incredibly anti-climactic if Triple H were to win, and I don’t think that WWE will be too concerned about the rocketing popularity of Rollins, as without a title attached to it, writers are in the correct situation to make Rollins less of a priority after WrestleMania if concerned that he will eclipse the popularity of others. As a result, I think that Seth Rollins will win.


Me: AJ Styles

Sister: Shane McMahon

I have a horrible feeling that this won’t be as one-sided as it should be. We have seen WWE like to make Shane McMahon look powerful. A year ago he faced The Undertaker, and also misguidedly put himself into Survivor Series. Apparently, not that there are only four wrestlers as good as, or better than you, on your promotion is an advisable move. This will presumably be a fifteen minute showcase of signature moves, extended by at least ten minutes to get to the structure that Shane will climb and jump off of.

My grounds of prediction have often been “seriously, they can’t be that stupid”, and that’s the basis for my guess this time as well, but only just. If it were two full-time wrestlers, then I’d be happy about it being unpredictable, but Shane?


(For the WWE Universal Championship)

Me: Brock Lesnar

Sister: Goldberg

The novelty ran out the morning after Survivor Series, when Goldberg defeated Lesnar in 86 seconds, and WWE didn’t even bother to attach an angle crediting that rapid win to a nasty injury. Then Owens lost his title to give this re-re-match a purpose. Everything about it feels like a massive waste, but if it makes cash, it’ll happen. There are only two men who can take down Goldberg in the ring – Lesnar or Reigns. I think that Reigns will be stuck in another Authority related bicker, and that title is going straight to Lesnar.


(For the WWE Raw Women’s Championship)

Me: Nia Jax

Sister: Bayley

The fact that this match is so unpredictable, can be rooted to the best and worst of this booking. Each of these women is in the right state (although Jax is arguably inexperienced by comparison) to walk out champion. Bayley is a deserving champion. Charlotte and Banks are experienced at juggling titles. Jax is portrayed as a monster by comparison. The problem is that they are the only women on Raw, and it seems that only two can being in the spotlight at the same time. I expect that having hyped up Jax so much, that she will roll up the woman left over as the other two are bickering outside the ring. I want it to be Bayley, but I think it will be Jax.


(For the WWE United States Championship)

Me: Kevin Owens

Sister: Chris Jericho

I am looking forward to this match more than I am any other on the card, and I fully expect the crowd to be right behind it. As it wouldn’t surprise me if Jericho is about to go on his musical travels again, that he would be losing his title. However, I think Jericho will make the use of that moment to get out a new list and put Owens’ name down.


Me: John Cena & Nikki Bella

Sister: The Miz & Maryse

Who on earth came up with the idea for this match, because… well, it’s actually working. I grimaced at the rumours but am pleasantly surprised. I imagine that in the end this is going to be closer to Cena/Miz with assistants, but it should be good fun. I would like The Miz and Maryse to win, but I think that John and Nikki are too untouchable not to win, however much foul play there is.

There is also a 99% chance that John Cena will propose to Nikki Bella, in the most unsurprisingly surprise ever.


(For the WWE Intercontinental Championship)

Me: Dean Ambrose

Sister: Baron Corbin

I have high hopes for the match itself, but there has been disappointingly little build-up, meaning that in signature Intercontinental Championship style, it won’t seem especially important, and will be a bit anti-climactic. The only substance was irritation around how Ambrose hadn’t defended his title much. This will be a match to show that he can, and possibly a good showcase of Corbin’s talents.


(Ladder Match for the WWE Tag Team Championship)

Me: Gallows & Anderson

Sister: Cesaro & Sheamus

I really want Gallows & Anderson to hold onto the title, because in spite of being current champions, they have been extremely victimised. I also think that that will get it and that this match will be pretty damn awesome..


(For the WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship)

Me: Naomi

Sister: Naomi

This is bound to be absolute chaos, although hopefully not an afterthought. We have seen brilliant five/six-way matches between the SmackDown women before, with unpredictable results – Alexa Bliss for eliminated first in the six-way match for the title, and won a No.1 Contendership in the next episode of SmackDown. I think that this will be ten minutes of carnage which seeks to put the strap back on Naomi, who had to relinquish it due to injury.

So, those are my guesses. What are yours? Leave your comments below.



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